- Pakistan 523-8 dec; England 280-3
- Alastair Cook finishes unbeaten on 168
And here’s Mike Selvey’s report of the day’s action.
Related: Alastair Cook masterclass helps England give Pakistan taste of own medicine
Those two late wickets for Wahab have given this match a vestige of drama. Don’t believe it for a second: they are a mere mirage and this match is deader than Robin Thicke’s chances with Paula Patton. England’s best batsman has arrived at the crease, joining his captain who is unbeaten on 168.
Cook is the man of the day having put in a monumental effort out there in the heat. He’ll be looking to make that a double hundred in the morning and after that, who knows? As long as his concentration stays there is very little in this pitch to worry him.
110th over: England 280-3 (Cook 168, Root 3) This should be the last over of the day. Root decides to get the hell outta dodge, nudging the first ball down towards third man for a single. Wahab prolongs our misery further with another no ball... or rather the umpires do, because that was a perfectly legal delivery by the looks of things. Maybe he’s got a reputation now. There’s half a shout as the fifth ball of the over clips Cook’s thigh pad, but was going down leg. The last ball of the day is comfortably pushed out to square leg for a single.
Bad news by the way for Derbyshire fans as Mark Footitt has signed for Surrey.
109th over: England 287-3 (Cook 167, Root 2) I would think Cook will want to get to the other end here and, as the settled batsman, be the one to see off Wahab and his pace. Then again, he was never the most selfless batsman. Pakistan are excited as a flighted delivery might have taken the inside edge on its way just way of Masood at short leg.
Nick Harris: Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He’s never going to give you Up.
108th over: England 287-3 (Cook 167, Root 2) Another edge from Wood, but this one was played with soft hands and goes to Younis on the bounce. That miss in Wahab’s previous over was a strange one, as it appeared that Younis simply didn’t see the ball. Not that it matters too much, as the nightwatchman departs. That’s pretty poor from Wood, whose one job was not getting out and went for the needlessly aggressive shot. Root is the new man and he’s under way with a clip to deep midwicket for two.
Mark Weedon’s joke:
This is excellent bowling from Wahab late in the day. He comes round the wicket and Wood looks to cut, but the short ball is far too tight into him and it cannons off the bottom edge and down into the stumps.
107th over: England 285-2 (Cook 167, Wood 4) Five overs to go and now the ball is doing something for Zulfiqar under the lights. It’s spitting and turning off the surface a bit; the first ball beats everything and the second takes a leading edge, albeit all along the floor. A maiden means Wood will face Wahab again. There are four overs or 13 minutes left.
106th over: England 285-2 (Cook 167, Wood 4) Wahab wakes everyone up – there are people dozing in the stands – by getting Ian Bell with the most Ian Bellian wicket possible. Wood does indeed come in as a nightwatchman. He has a flash at the final ball of the over and, in the fading light, the ball somehow flies between first and second slip, with Younis missing a very, very catchable chance.
Look I was trying to reverse-jinx him, OK? To cheer you all up, this from Matt Emerson.
WHAT DID I TELL YOU? Bell drives at a full one wide outside off, it’s an airy shot and the ball flies at a very catchable height to backward point.
105th over: England 281-1 (Cook 167, Bell 63) Wood is padded up now for Bell’s inevitable wicket. No doubt England would use a nightwatchman, even though I don’t think they should. A couple of singles milked from the over.
Peter Inglesby: “What do you get if you cross the Titanic with the Sixth Sense? Icy dead people!”
104th over: England 279-1 (Cook 166, Bell 62) Just the eight overs left in the day and Wahab comes back for a final burst. Short, wide and cut for one by Cook is the first ball. That brings Bell on strike and he has a bit of a waft, in the most Bellian fashion imaginable, driving and missing outside off. You know he’s getting out with a late dab before the close, don’t you? Wahab oversteps again, for the eighth time today, prolonging things a bit further. The so-and-so.
This is worth noting:
@DanLucas86 I know this is a boring game, but Cook's innings is still magnificent. A good attack, stifling heat, after two days in the field
103rd over: England 275-1 (Cook 164, Bell 61) The film Death of a Gentleman, about the decline of Test cricket has been mentioned on these pages several times. Jarrod, Sam, if you’re reading: is this some elaborately staged sequel?
102nd over: England 275-1 (Cook 164, Bell 61) With the deficit down to just 250, will these two cut loose soon? Yes, yes they definitely will. Cook punches out to deep extra cover for a couple and he’ll be looking to make this a double ton tomorrow.
Another joke like the one I just made ha ha ha ha ha comes from David Horne. “I went to the zoo the other day, but they only had one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.”
101st over: England 273-1 (Cook 162, Bell 61) Single to Bell, which I missed while looking at all the bad jokes landing in my inbox. Single to Cook, which I did see and was guided comfortably off the ankles out to square leg. This one from my colleague Tom Davies made me chuckle.
[Restaurant]
“Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?”
“Yes please”
“THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN”
100th over: England 271-1 (Cook 161, Bell 60) There’s half an appeal for lbw against Bell, which dies quicker than Robin Thicke’s marriage when Sarfraz realises it pitched about two feet outside leg. He sounded quite embarrassed in all honesty.
@DanLucas86 Have we missed the follow on target because it would be awesome to declare just before it. Make a game of it.
99th over: England 270-1 (Cook 161, Bell 59) The 150 partnership is up and in quite lovely fashion, as Cook pushes the ball through extra cover and all the way down to the boundary for four. Three dots, but then a full toss from Malik is driven firmly through a similar region, a touch straighter perhaps, for four more.
Phil Russell offers: “I went to see a psychiatrist because I was worried that I was becoming a kleptomaniac. He asked me if I was taking anything for it.”
98th over: England 262-1 (Cook 153, Bell 59) Hey look at that, a run! Pushed away off the back foot by Cook and the close fielders come in to surround Bell, who is now batting in a cap.
I don't like cricket anymore. #PakvEng
97th over: England 261-1 (Cook 152, Bell 59) I’m not going to dignify that over with a description. Instead, here’s Jimmy Tyldesley’s crap joke:
A Scotsman walks in to a bakers.
“Excuse me sir is this a custard tart or a meringue?”
The baker says, “No, you’re right.””
96th over: England 261-1 (Cook 152, Bell 59) More spin. Maybe Pakistan are bored of this too. Ooh or maybe not, as Zulfiqar, from absolutely nowhere, manages to get one to spin miles and fizz past Bell’s outside edge and, fortunately for the batsman, past the off stump. We have a question from Jimmy Tyldesley:
“What do you, and the rest of the OBO readers, think England’s plans are here? What will they do if hopefully they reach Pakistans score, just continue, no one would be able to win, the draw inevitable, could we have a test that doesn’t go to the second innings? Had that ever happened before?”
95th over: England 260-1 (Cook 151, Bell 59) Time for a bit of Shoaib Malik. Cook and Bell exchange singles then... well then nothing.
Stephen Wolstencroft is getting into the spirit of things: “A man walks into a bakery and has a look at everything on display. He notices all the cakes cost £2, expect for one next to the counter that’s £3.
94th over: England 258-1 (Cook 150, Bell 58) Oh joy. We resume. 18 overs left in the day, with the shadows growing long. Cook sweeps hard at a full toss, top edges it and the ball flies out to square leg, where it’s dropped by the Fawad Alam, the sub fielder, charging in from the rope. He did well to get there and make his ground, but then let it slip through his fingers. The batsmen run two, then a few balls later Cook moves to his 150 with a much safer nudge into the leg side.
93rd over: England 255-1 (Cook 147, Bell 58) Wahab opens up with his customary wide half tracker and time Cook nails it through point for four. He tries to do the same next ball and gets a thick top edge, which takes the ball flying up and over the slips, then down and away to third man for a second boundary on the spin. A single brings Bell on strike and they go up straight away for a caught behind. It’s not given but Pakistan review to no avail. Cook clips the final ball down to deep backward square for a single. And that’s drinks.
There was a noise, but without HotSpot or Snicko it’s very difficult to overturn the decision.
Pakistan reckon Bell has gloved a hook down the leg side. Given not out.
92nd over: England 244-1 (Cook 137, Bell 57)“What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?” asks my colleague Paul Campbell. “People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.” Arf.
91st over: England 244-1 (Cook 137, Bell 57)“The first thing I’d do with this ground is get a bulldozer,” says Beefy, not unreasonably. “Look, there’s one there. Get that.” He’s pointing out a digger, but close enough, yeah?
Wahab sends down a bouncer that just about misses Bell’s gloves, before he offers a bit of width next up and gets cut hard through point for four. The Warwickshire man rewards himself for his fine shot by indulging in his favourite, a push down to third man for one. Cook drives at the final ball expansively and it’s a rare play and miss.
90th over: England 239-1 (Cook 137, Bell 52) Shouldn’t we be having drinks about now? Zulfiqar beats Cook with one that keeps very low and passes well beneath the batsman’s attempted hoick to leg. A bit more turn and Cook was gone there. Alas, he sweeps the next one round the corner for a couple.
89th over: England 237-1 (Cook 135, Bell 52) Time for another change as Wahab Riaz comes on for his first spell with the new ball. The first ball is, naturally, cut away for a single by Cook. Wahab comes back with a bouncer that goes flying over Bell’s head and the batsman will be glad that his uncontrolled swish gets nowhere near it. Much better is his push out to backward point for a single and equally as good as that is Cook’s controlled pull to backward square.
“Afternoon Dan.” Afternoon, Simon McMahon.
88th over: England 234-1 (Cook 133, Bell 51) 23 to go.
87th over: England 234-1 (Cook 133, Bell 51) Sure as night follows day, Cook chops a short one down into the ground and out to the fielder at deep backward point for a single. Then hello! A rare bolt of adrenaline as Rahat tries the bumper and Bell hoicks it, wildly, from off his shoulder, round the corner and tumbling over the rope for four. That’s his 50. He adds another single a couple of balls later.
86th over: England 228-1 (Cook 132, Bell 46) Back to spin we go. This is good, as it means we’ll finish quicker. Bell paddles him round the corner to creep one closer to his 46th Test 50. There’s a half-hearted appeal as Cook misses a sweep and is hit on the pad, but it was outside the line of off. The next ball though is glanced round the corner for three hard-run, er, runs.
@DanLucas86 There are 1.2m Pakistanis in the UAE. I think this one does sort of reach a large community. Tomorrow better? Friday day off?
Proper lively Pakistan crowd at the game now. Nice atmosphere.
85th over: England 224-1 (Cook 129, Bell 45) Nice from Cook, an elegant clip off the hips through mid on for one, although it probably deserved two on aesthetic grounds. Thanks to Andrew Miller, who has pointed out that we’re closing in on the world record for the most deliveries of spin in a Test match without taking a wicket. Bell gets three more with an uppish, but safe, clip out to the huge vacant space around midwicket.
84th over: England 220-1 (Cook 128, Bell 42) Cook pushes to mid-off for a single, before the camera focuses on a pretty girl in the stands. Blissfully unaware, she promptly starts picking her nose. Poor lass. Bell whips one off his pads for the second run of the over then Cook plays a shot that I didn’t see where it went because I was looking something up. It got one though.
Alfred Moore has been putting a bit more thought into his Pakistan-in-the-USA idea: “Wikipedia says that the largest Pakistani ex-pat communities are in the largest American cities: New York, LA and Chicago. Throw in a fourth test in Detroit, or Houston, or Atlanta, and you’ve got quite a series, and probably one that more Pakistan fans can actually attend than the current UAE farce. Better pitches too, if we assume it’s not physically possible to do worse. Of course, everyone in Pakistan would have to listen to the matches on their radios in the middle of the night, but as we all know, that’s the finest way of appreciating test cricket. So it’s win-win-win-win-win, as far as I can see.”
83rd over: England 217-1 (Cook 126, Bell 41) Imran Khan strays on to leg gifting Cook an easy single, then there’s a big shout for lbw when Bell is trapped in front. It’s given not out and Misbah declines to review, rightly so as the batsman smashed the leather off it. The batsman celebrates his “reprieve”, which really isn’t a reprieve, with a stylish smash cut, which is very well stopped at backward point.
“This seems like the sort of wicket that could do with a splash of rain to give it some life, any danger?” asks Alex Roberts. I’m too tired to tell if you’re taking the piss, Alex.
82nd over: England 216-1 (Cook 125, Bell 41) Rahat takes it from the other end and the umpires are keeping a close eye on his landing zone. The left-armer has had one warning already. Cook looks to cut the final ball away; it’s a bit close to him and doesn’t come out the middle, but they go through for the single that brings up the hundred partnership.
Naomi Goldberg has a suggestion for a more exotic Test: “how about Bangkok, somewhere in Burma, Ha Noi (there is a cricket pitch there I know - coz I lived there and this would be my first choice). All safeish, big enough ex pat/tourist communities to fill a small ground, similar weather to bits of Pakistan and good for worldwide cricket development plus the food is ace.”
81st over: England 215-1 (Cook 124, Bell 41) Thank god for that. 32 overs to go after this one, which Imran will indeed bowl. He starts with one that’s short and wide outside off, but did move away a little bit. Bell gets three a couple of balls later though, with a punchy shot out towards the deep midwicket fence that isn’t quite timed well enough to get all the way there. Cook knocks into the on side for two, then does the same for half as many.
80th over: England 209-1 (Cook 121, Bell 38) This should be the final over with the old ball, Malik to bowl it. Bell again backs off a long way, giving himself a lot of room to push into the off side for two. Imran Khan is going through some gentle warm-ups, not that you’d need much of a warm-up in this heat. One more single, down to mid on, for Bell.
79th over: England 206-1 (Cook 121, Bell 35) A pair of singles to open the over, followed by a dot, followed by another push to cover short cover for one by Bell. The TV shows a shot of the groundsman, so you know who to hunt down and punish for this.
78th over: England 203-1 (Cook 120, Bell 33)“Catch it” is the half-hearted cry as Cook chops to point. It went all along the ground. The captain moves on to 120 with a push out to extra cover and his partner moves on to 33 with a clip off the hip.
On suitable conditions in the US for Pakistan, Philip Morton points out: “Not the Southern states. They’re humid. The Southwest or California are drier and dustier.”
77th over: England 201-1 (Cook 119, Bell 32) Shafiq from the other end. On Sky, Bumble suggests that both teams will now be striving to wear out the opposition attack for the next Test, which is quite mortifying, if not incorrect. At the very same time, Paddy Murphy emphasises the point:
“If England have the application and gumption they should bat till lunch on Saturday and put some serious overs into this Pakistan attack. Forget the Abu Dhabi test... it’s all about Dubai. Will also show up this pitch for what it is.”
76th over: England 200-1 (Cook 118, Bell 32) Shoaib Malik is the man to get things going after tea. 36 bloody overs though. His first ball, a floaty full one outside off, is punched out to deep extra cover for one by Cook. Apparently the odds on this one are now: England 7%, Pakistan 7%, draw 86%. Bell backs off a long way to the second ball and punches himself (I don’t mean he punches himself) out to mid off for one more. Masood is back on the field after that nasty blow to the head. A gentle cut out to point brings Cook one more and takes England to 200 with plenty of batting to come.
I’m not sure if it’s been mentioned yet, but Zaheer Khan has retired from Test cricket. He’ll be missed.
Vish is right here:
Other end of the spectrum - Matt Prior is an excellent pundit.
Earlier on, Martin Saville sent me this outstanding stat:
“It’s now 6 innings for pakistan at this ground since they’ve been dismissed and the cumulative score in that time is 2285-24 so the average innings score is 950-10.”
Hello again. There are 36 overs left today. I have been awake since 3am after cooking with ghost chillies last night. They are 200 times hotter than tabasco and, in India, are classified as a biological weapon. At some point in this evening session I fully expect Ian Bell to morph into a space coyote and tell me to find my soulmate.
England 197-1. So the tourists still trail by 326 but this has been their day so far. Cook looks on for a big one. Join Dan Lucas after the break.
75th over: England 197-1 (Cook 116, Bell 31) Shafiq returns for an over before tea. Cook is watchful, picking up just a single from a rank half-tracker that in a different time and place would have been carted into the stands at cow corner but instead is tickled to midwicket. And that’s tea.
74th over: England 196-1 (Cook 115, Bell 31) Shoaib Malik once again. He finds a little turn and Cook toe-ends in ugly fashion back down the pitch. A couple of balls later a sweep from the England captain crashes into Masood’s helmet at short leg. That was pretty painful and he looks a touch dazed. After some medical attention on the field he walks off for further treatment in the dressing room.
@John_Ashdown By the Gods this is boring. Is this the ICC's cunning plan to make the Associates not WANT to play tests? #PAKvENG
@John_Ashdown Tests like this are great if you're working. Takes no time at all to catch up when you get a few moments' break. Less is more!
73rd over: England 193-1 (Cook 113, Bell 30) Shot! Imran Khan drops short and Cook mows a pull over midwicket and away for four. The penultimate ball of the over hits something on the way through to the keeper. The bowler is interested but the Sarfraz isn’t … it didn’t carry and the noise might have been Bell’s thigh pad anyway.
72nd over: England 188-1 (Cook 108, Bell 30) Shoaib Malik gets another chance to twirl. Cook has a little skip down the track … and blocks. But then sweeps for a single. And a bit more nudging and nurdling adds a couple more runs to the tally.
71st over: England 185-1 (Cook 106, Bell 29) A bit of width from Imran Khan allows Cook to free his arms and drive through the covers – not a shot we’ve seen played much in this Test. Understandbly, he doesn’t quite time it and picks up just the three runs.
70th over: England 181-1 (Cook 103, Bell 28) Bell does manage to guide one from Rahat down to third man on this occasion, but there’s a man down there anyway so the shot is worth only a single. There’s another huge appeal as Cook is again struck on the pad – he’s surely outside the line though. And indeed there may well have been a bit of outside edge. And it was missing off stump too. So not much going for, it all things considered. But given we’d had nine wickets for 704 runs in 221 overs, you can’t really blame the fielding side for jumping on any opportunity.
69th over: England 180-1 (Cook 103, Bell 27) Imran Khan – who bowled particularly well before lunch – returns. There’s a slightly optimistic appeal as Cook is struck on the pad but the ball was always sliding across the left-hander.
“Agree with your reasons for Abu Dhabi as base, but it’d be interesting to hear what Pakistan’s players and fans would prioritise,” writes Colin Walker. “Would you place familiar/favourable playing conditions ahead of having thousands of fans supporting you at a ground? No idea what answer would be, but curious. US/Canada seems to tick a few idealist boxes, and financial ones.”
68th over: England 178-1 (Cook 102, Bell 26) Rahat continues and Bell struggles to get him away. A couple of those trademark dabbed late cuts are to no avail.
67th over: England 177-1 (Cook 101, Bell 26) A better couple of cut shots from Bell allows him to pick up three more runs off Zulfiqar. There’s a huge shout from the final ball of the over as Cook sweeps and is hit on the pad. The umpire is unmoved, the batsmen run three … but Pakistan review. This is close.
There’s no bat on it to save Cook … he’s hit in line (that seemed to be the doubt) … so this is surely out … but the ball is turning past leg stump! Blimey.
66th over: England 171-1 (Cook 101, Bell 23) Bell, who still hasn’t settled down despite facing nearly 80 balls, misses with a cut as Rahat bends his back once more. He escapes to the non-striker’s end after the bowler strays to the leg side.
65th over: England 170-1 (Cook 101, Bell 22) Hello again everyone. Zulfiqar continues to wheel away. All the turn he gets seems to come from his fingers as there’s very little “action” in his body – everything is very straight. Cook blocks out with little fuss.
There’s been a bit of wondering as to why these teams are playing in the UAE (and I for one am allowing myself to be seduced by the idea of Test cricket somewhere in North America). I can’t remember the original rationale – Pakistan’s first away “home” Test series was against Australia in England – but I can think of three quick reasons:
64th over: England 170-1 (Cook 101, Bell 22) More left-arm medium fast from Rahat and this should be the final over before drinks, when John Ashdown will return to the OBO until tea. Cook jams his bat down on a full one angled in towards his off stump, punching down to mid on for a single in doing so, before Bell tries to cut a low one that’s too close to his body and bottom-edges it straight down into the ground. Lucky Ian Bell.
Here’s Christian Cummins: “I bet you pointed this out already, but Adam Lyth must be feeling sick watching this match on TV. It would have been a perfect series for him to pile on some runs and establish his place and credentials. It is a sort of curse to be picked for the first time just before the pressure cauldron of an Ashes series!”
63rd over: England 169-1 (Cook 100, Bell 22) It’s just a change of ends for Zulfiqar. Bell goes for the paddle sweep, leaning forward and reaching a long way for it, but short leg anticipated the shot and made a smart diving stop. It looked for just a moment as though Bell was shaping to reverse that, but wisely opted against it. A maiden.
62nd over: England 169-1 (Cook 100, Bell 22) Another change now as Rahat replaces Zulfiqar. Cook’s hundredth is his eighth in Asia, by the way, which is the joint-most of any visiting batsman, level with Jacques Kallis. It’s also his 33rd for England in all formats, taking him past KP. Rahat’s second ball is pushed too far across Bell and SEJ carves it very nicely behind point for four more. And thus, the 50 partnership was raised. Bell adds another single, guided down to the now-guarded third man.
61st over: England 166-1 (Cook 100, Bell 17) Another wide ball, another push out to deep cover and another single to Alastair Cook. Can he get his hundred before drinks? That’s the kind of excitement levels we’re at, folks. Bell then cracks a nice drive of his own out towards the cover boundary and the fielder does very well indeed to chase it down and reel it in, denying England a whole run in doing so. There’s a heart-in-mouth moment fro Cook from the fifth ball, or at least there would be if this pitch wasn’t deader than Robin Thicke’s career, as a leading edge trickles all along the ground. Never mind that though, as the final ball is driven very neatly through extra cover for the four runs that bring up his century. Very well batted.
@DanLucas86 How dare you! That Ryan Adams album is 10 x more interesting than this dirge of a test!
60th over: England 156-1 (Cook 95, Bell 14) Another too-short one from Zulfiqar and Cook cracks a cut away through extra cover for two runs, taking him to 1,001 at 55.6 for 2015. And all that without any particularly memorable big scores. Another cut, behind square this time, adds one more to that total.
Phil White says “Great to see England getting a century opening partnership again. Have we had one since Strauss retired? Still cant understand why Bayliss and co wanted Moeen opening though. He is evidently considered a worse batsman than Stokes or Buttler, or any of the top five from the summer, or why was he batting at 8 or 9? Has someone spotted particular qualities which make him likely to succeed as an opener? Is he particularly good against the new ball, the bouncer, when the bowling is at its quickest and most hostile? Seems unlikely. Surely he’s not there because nobody else would do it, is he? All credit to Moeen, but that would not exactly be a positive approach to selection.”
59th over: England 153-1 (Cook 92, Bell 14) Another edge from Bell and again it doesn’t come close to carrying. The batsmen steal a single, before Cook thrashes at a low, wide one outside his off stump and isn’t far away from feathering it behind. Better a couple of balls later as he shuffles across to off and just fends it out to deep backward point for a single. Bell then picks up another boundary by nicely guiding a wide all along the ground and down to third man for four. That’s his nicest shot so far.
58th over: England 147-1 (Cook 91, Bell 9) Cook goes into the 90s with a textbook back-foot cut through the big gap at point for four; Zulfiqar dragged his length down there and he’s looking a touch tired now. There’s a quiet cry of “catch it” directed at leg slip when Cook gloves one round the corner, but it’s a way wide of him.
Of the England captain, the commentator says “He’s still only in his 20s. He’s 31. He’s 32. Oh no he’s 30! And he’s only just turned 30.” Cook turned 30 on Christmas Day last year.
57th over: England 143-1 (Cook 87, Bell 9) Change of bowling as Wahab Riaz comes on for a spell. He’s quick right from the off – his first ball to Cook is 89mph – but the batsman doesn’t seem unduly troubled by it. A big no ball adds one more to the scoreboard when the bowler oversteps by a good six inches or so. Cook then mistimes a cut to point but gets one for it anyhow, before Wahab sends down back-to-back wides. Oh and then another no ball as he oversteps fractionally – had that not been called a no-ball it might well have been wided anyway. Wisely, the bowler switches to round the wicket and finds Bell’s edge but, even at 90mph, the ball bounces long before it gets to slip. Eight minutes and 10 balls after it began, the over comes to an end.
Colin Walker is in a mischievous mood: “Any idea why Abu Dhabi was chosen? Money I suppose - sad face (still can’t bring myself to use actual emojis). Why not somewhere where there are significant Pakistani diasporas? England for example??”
56th over: England 138-1 (Cook 86, Bell 9) Round the wicket comes Zulfiqar to Cook and the England captain misses out somewhat when he bunts a rank full toss (is there any other kind?) out to the fielder at midwicket and they can only get one. Bell finds the remaining two balls about as interesting as a Ryan Adams album of Taylor Swift covers.
55th over: England 137-1 (Cook 85, Bell 9) Flat and straight stuff from Malik. He tries to push his third ball through a wee bit quicker, but it’s speared into leg stump and Cook can knock it square on the leg side for a single.
54th over: England 136-1 (Cook 84, Bell 9) Now Bell brings out the sweep shot. He doesn’t look entirely comfortable in doing so and it’s not the cleanest hit, but there’s no one out between square and midwicket and the ball makes its way to the boundary.
53rd over: England 132-1 (Cook 84, Bell 5) Four! Cook goes down and sweeps a full one from outside off through the vacant square leg region, the ball whistling to the fence. He looks very comfortable playing that shot, which is a great contrast to the last time England played here.
52nd over: England 128-1 (Cook 80, Bell 5)“OHHHHH!” cries Zulfiqar as Bell leaves one that straightens just a fraction and misses off by six inches or so. Bell gets off strike with a push to midwicket, before Cook sweeps the final ball firmly to square leg for one more.
“I believe there’s some harsh blame being thrown towards the Pakistan team and their fans (or lack of them),” writes Nabeel Younas. “It’s not as if Pakistan are playing in the UAE out of choice. They’re making best of the situation they are in.
51st over: England 126-1 (Cook 79, Bell 4) Shoaib Malik is also continuing after lunch and Cook nudges his second ball into the on side for a single. England’s run rate in the last hour of play is 0.64 – that aforementioned nudge was just the third scoring shot in that time. But no sooner have I written that than runs! Three of them! Bell rocks back and punches a too-short one through mid-off.
I genuinely can’t tell if Sean Duffy is being serious: “What a great position it is for England to be in. 122-1, Cook playing well, Bell with the opportunity to make amends and dance around the crease and the sun blazing down on the bowlers. A solid first hour in this session and we could be looking at England battering a worn out, bang-average attack around the park for the rest of the day amassing at least 400 odd. A great platform to push on during day 4 and give Rashid and Moeen the chance to win it for us.”
50th over: England 122-1 (Cook 78, Bell 1) Zulfiqar resumes his torment of Bell immediately after lunch. How long before Bell dances down the track and chips to mid-on, anyone? The Sledgehammer is watchful, coming forward only to the last ball and blocking that in any case.
Peter Wood writes: “Perhaps we could have a bake-off to provide diversion for those who aren’t finding the cricket sufficiently entertaining? Chef could don his hat and rustle up a few rock buns while Bell, on current form, could try his hand at an Eton Mess.” Please, no Bake Off on here. I’ve never watched it, but it’s obviously – like all cookery shows – utter rubbish.
We will resume in five minutes. Hold on to your butts.
Poor Ian Bell. When he cops it, he really cops it:
@DanLucas86@guardian_sport how many did Bell's dropped catches cost? 250 odd runs, so he's -249* right now.
An email! Like a wicket falling on a flat, Furyless road of a wicket in the desert, a missive from Andy English lands in my inbox.
“And now I must embrace my hypocrisy as I wish for turgid, lifeless cricket on a turgid, lifeless wicket for the next couple of days. Exactly the conditions and brand of cricket I have been bemoaning since the match began. Come on England, bore me senseless!”
So England will resume in 25 minutes or so looking just a touch wobbly. Cook looks in fine fettle, but Bell looked about as secure as an actor’s Game of Thrones contract. Will we see a patented England collapse after lunch? Email me things! Or tweet me things!
Thanks John. What a thriller, eh? On the subject of people with famous names, I’m sure you can imagine what I get when people find out my grandfather’s name is Alan Partridge.
England 122-1. The first three quarters of that session were very much England’s but the final half hour belonged to Pakistan.
That’s it from me for now. Dan Lucas will be your guide after the interval.
49th over: England 122-1 (Cook 78, Bell 1) Shoaib Malik, his compulsory non-bowling stint completed, gets the chance to have a quick twirl before lunch. He sends down a tidy maiden at Cook.
48th over: England 122-1 (Cook 78, Bell 1) Zulfiqar continues to torment Ian Bell. England’s No3 looks a little more secure this over, but he’s faced 27 balls for his solitary run now. And he’s been troubled by about half of those. A maiden.
47th over: England 122-1 (Cook 78, Bell 1) Wahab drops a little too short and a little too wide to Cook and is chopped forward of point for four by the England captain.
46th over: England 118-1 (Cook 74, Bell 1) Bell keeps getting that front pad in the way. And in fact he’s dropped at silly point, the ball cannoning off the pad and onto the bat but Masood can’t take a sharp chance.
45th over: England 118-1 (Cook 74, Bell 1) Wahab returns and beats Cook outside off with one that just shapes away a touch. He’s a whisker away from finding the edge. All of a sudden England really need the lunch break.
“The answer to Guy Hornsby (over 42) is that this pitch is a road,” writes Robin Hazlehurst. “And not just any old road, but a laser-straight pan-flat four-lane motorway with no other traffic on it and no scenery on either side as far as the eye can see. Coincidentally, just such a motorway was used last week for the most boring professional cycling race ever held, the inaugural tour of ... Abu Dhabi.”
44th over: England 117-1 (Cook 74, Bell 1) There’s a yelp of appeal as Zulfiqar drifts one into Bell’s pad from round the wicket. It appeared to be bat first to the naked eye but the replay is far from conclusive. That was closer that it looked. Next up, he rips one past the outside edge. And from the last there’s another appeal, the bat again tucked just behind the front pad. This is good stuff from Pakistan now.
43rd over: England 117-1 (Cook 74, Bell 1) Imran Khan continues, with plenty of men around the bat. Cook keeps his powder very dry.
“Having the same name as others can have other problems,” writes Colum Farrelly. “A John Boyce of Donegal was acquitted the other day of a charge of failing to pay a fine. His defence was that he didn’t receive the notice - it might have been posted to any of the five John Boyces in his townland, or indeed to any of the 22 Boyce households in the area.”
42nd over: England 117-1 (Cook 74, Bell 1) With a right-hander at the crease, Zulfiqar returns. Bell defends, defends and defends again.
“Funny how 110/1 felt like the end of the world on Day 1 and now this feels like a warm, comforting blanket, even though Moeen has sadly gone now,” writes Guy Hornsby. “But if England get even 400+ then what the hell are we doing playing on a pitch like this? There’s Chief Executive’s pitches, but what’s an upgrade on that? It’s not like they’re coining it in with a full house either. Seems like lunacy really when Test Cricket is fighting for its fans.”
41st over: England 117-1 (Cook 74, Bell 1) Bell gets off the mark with an inside edge.
Moeen goes! Imran threatened this in his last over and this time, with Moeen in his crosshairs rather than the more settled Cook, he does find the edge. A tickle just carries to the keeper and Pakistan have the breakthrough.
40th over: England 116-0 (Cook 74, Moeen 35) Shafiq drops short and Cook clatters a pull away for four.
“Given that Pakistan won’t be playing at home any time soon, and their ‘home’ matches are practically inaccessible to actual Pakistani fans, why hold the matches in the UAE?” wonders Alfred Moore. “Why not hold them in the USA or Canada? The Toronto test match. Why the hell not?
39th over: England 109-0 (Cook 69, Moeen 33)
Imran Khan: “No really. I’m Imran Khan, the cricketer.”
38th over: England 109-0 (Cook 69, Moeen 33) Shoaib Malik isn’t able to bowl for another 20 minutes due to the time he spent off the field rehydrating yesterday, so Asad Shafiq continues. Three singles are nudged away.
37th over: England 106-0 (Cook 67, Moeen 32) Imran Khan comes on for a first blast of the day. You wonder if he has any difficulty when it comes to life in general:
Official type: “Name?”
36th over: England 106-0 (Cook 67, Moeen 32) Asad Shafiq, proud owner of two wickets in 84 first-class matches, comes on for a part-time twirl. It’s tidy enough until the last ball, which is dragged down and tucked away for a single by Moeen.
35th over: England 104-0 (Cook 66, Moeen 31) Rahat strays a little full to Cook and is clipped away to midwicket for a single that brings up the England hundred. Not a bad start for this new opening partnership. A Moeen glance to fine leg brings four more from a poor Rahat delivery.
34th over: England 98-0 (Cook 63, Moeen 27) Sky’s microphones pick up a bit of birdsong, which is rather nice. Also rather nice is this sweep shot from Alastair Cook, who clubs the labouring Zulfiqar to the square leg boundary for four.
33rd over: England 91-0 (Cook 58, Moeen 26) Rahat once more. He keeps both batsmen honest with a decent line outside off. Just one from the over.
More Z news:
@john_ashdown Billy Zulch seems to have been a batsman https://t.co/TOOmtoLWxx
32nd over: England 90-0 (Cook 58, Moeen 25) Zulfiqar continues and the batsmen milk a couple of singles. The spinner then beats the bat as Cook looks to flick to leg and there’s the first appeal of the morning as he’s hit on the pad. The ball is going to miss the stumps by several feet but, hey, it’s an appeal.
31st over: England 88-0 (Cook 57, Moeen 24) Rahat once more. Moeen brings up a century (of balls faced) with a slightly squirty drive. He’s not really found the middle much this morning but, that said, he’s not been unduly troubled either. A maiden.
30th over: England 88-0 (Cook 57, Ali 24) Cook gets the sweep out once more and this time connects, picking up a single.
An email!!! “It’s not hard to put together a capable attack of test match ‘Z’ bowlers to accompany Zulfiqar,” writes Ian Forth. “Zaheer Khan, Monde ‘All Hands’ Zondeki and hat trick taker Nuwan Zoysa would do nicely. Put Tim Zoehrer behind the stumps and you’re halfway there. But the batting rather lets things down once you’ve pencilled in Zaheer Abbas. My rudimentary fossick around databases suggests he’s pretty much it.”
29th over: England 86-0 (Cook 56, Ali 23) Rahat Ali replaces Wahab Riaz. Moeen leans into an on drive that brings him his first boundary (from his 87th delivery). A tidy enough opening over from Rahat.
28th over: England 82-0 (Cook 56, Ali 19) Another attempted sweep from Cook collects nothing but fresh Abu Dhabi air but a ball or two later he rocks back and crashes a drive forward of point for four more.
27th over: England 76-0 (Cook 52, Ali 18) Wahab attempts a yorker and it’s a beauty – perhaps half-an-inch short of perfect but a beauty nevertheless. Cook does very well to dig it out and even picks up a single for his trouble. Moeen punches through point off his toes for a couple more.
26th over: England 72-0 (Cook 51, Ali 16) Cook misses with an attempted sweep as Zulfiqar probes away again. The bowler isn’t turning it much – at all – but he is mixing things up nicely in the air. A leg bye is the only run added to the total.
25th over: England 71-0 (Cook 51, Ali 16) Fifty for the captain. Cook guides Wahab’s first of the new over through gully and away to the boundary for four, just the third of his innings. It’s enough to take him to his 45th Test half century. A clever little slower ball from Wahab – bowled with an off-cutting action – almost catches Moeen out but his attempted drive is scuffed safely away. Wahab sends down a bouncer with the next and catches Moeen a glancing blow on the shoulder as he looks to half-duck half-veer away. He’s fine though.
24th over: England 65-0 (Cook 46, Ali 16) Moeen picks up his first run of the morning, pushing Zulfiqar down the ground for a single. Cook nurdles to fine leg for a couple more then takes a big stride down the pitch and hoists over midwicket for three.
23rd over: England 59-0 (Cook 41, Ali 15) Wahab Riaz takes the ball at the other end. He begins with a no ball, the first addition to the England total of the day. The left-armer keeps it full and tight outside off but without any semblance of threat. Cook blocks out the last – and gets enough on it to send the ball trundling down the ground for a couple of runs.
22nd over: England 56-0 (Cook 39, Ali 15) Zulfiqar Babar begins the day with the ball with his left-arm spin. Moeen props forward and blocks with the deadest of dead bats for three balls, then looks to crash a sweep through square leg. It’s miscued into the deck and there’s no run. Babar skims one past the outside edge with the next, and the last is swept, more proficiently this time, but again straight to a fielder. A maiden.
Out come the players to a smattering of applause. This stadium might be quite a fine one if it was full. It’s not.
No one seems to be expecting any reverse swing on this road of a pitch. And, equally, no one is predicting much deterioration. “If you want to kill Test cricket, keep producing pitches like this,” says Bumble.
JINX ALERT!! Stage set for a Cook epic.
Such is the obviousness of the truism that in the far reaches of the vast darkness of space there are alien lifeforms who had they accidentally picked up a broadcast of the second day’s play in Abu Dhabi – despite having had no previous contact with Earth or human languages and being composed of nothing but a mass of tentacles and a selection of strange and intricate orifices – would have turned to their various progeny and told them: “This, Squirgleflop. This is why it’s called Test cricket. It’s because it’s a test.”
England suffered, toiled, and scrapped their way through yesterday’s play, at the end of which Pakistan had racked up 523-8 declared and England’s latest opening pair had mustered 56 in reply. Adil Rashid had an unwanted Test record and along with Moeen Ali and Joe Root combined for a total of 302 runs and 0 wickets from 69 overs of spin.
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