Centuries from Graeme Smith and Hashim Amla gave South Africa a healthy lead over England on day three
135th over: South Africa 403-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 183, Kallis 82) The final over, as bowled by Stuart Broad. Kallis helps himself to one more single, and that's it for the day. What a day for South Africa, and Hashim Amla in particular, who's closing in on a double century. Jacques Kallis didn't play too badly either; the same applies to Graeme Smith, who also made a century. England didn't do too much wrong, but their attack was unable to make any impact whatsoever. South Africa end with a lead of 18 and have eight wickets in hand. The task for them tomorrow is to build up a healthy lead before putting England in to bat. It promises to be fascinating. Thanks for reading. Bye.
134th over: South Africa 402-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 183, Kallis 81) What, you want details? So sue me!
Please don't sue me.
133rd over: South Africa 400-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 182, Kallis 80) Broad floats a filthy one up to Kallis. Four. Four hundred, as it goes.
132nd over: South Africa 396-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 182, Kallis 76) Jonathan Trott to bowl, and he concedes just the one run from it. "Ok so am here with the already referenced Steve Harris and Claire Taylor and you must be able to tell how frustrated we are with England as focus of day has turned to us all getting mentioned on cricket blog!!" says an excitable Ali Gilbert. "Key question for Claire and I now is who is stand in fielder that keeps popping on the pitch?! Extremely cute bottom and only hopeful thing worth seeing before the close of game!!! Highlight of day however sexist it may sound!!! Fingers crossed for more actual England cricket tomorrow!!!" How much sugar have you had today?
131st over: South Africa 395-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 182, Kallis 75) A smiling Stuart Broad is back out there now. I'm hungry. "It'll probably be Swann and Broad to bowl the last few overs, then to head for the ice baths," says John Starbuck. "Which raises a question: does the OBO writer have something cold to plunge fingers into at close of play, or do you do what I do - save it for the gin?" I never leave home without my mini-freezer.
130th over: South Africa 394-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 182, Kallis 74) So, with five overs left today, South Africa are dominant. "The pitch looks like a sandbox," says SB Tang. "With two strong batting line-ups, a draw seems likely. Tahir will have to bowl well for the Saffas to win – a great chance for him to prove that he belongs as a front line Test spinner. I wonder if England will regret not picking Monty instead of Bopara? I'm a Bopara fan but a second spinner would be handy on this pitch and Prior's been batting well enough to move up to no 6."
129th over: South Africa 391-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 182, Kallis 71) Superbly done from Amla, punching through the off-side for four, moving South Africa ahead. Bresnan grimaces. South Africa lead by six.
128th over: South Africa 384-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 176, Kallis 71) "Can KP save us?" says Claire Taylor-Harris. "Please...after 8 hours we need something and people are starting to wail....or leave." Not on this evidence, a short ball from Pietersen that was just begging to be hit spanked away through cover for four by Kallis. Amla clips to square leg to level the scores.
127th over: South Africa 379-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 175, Kallis 66) Inch by inch, South Africa crawl towards England's total.
126th over: South Africa 378-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 175, Kallis 65) Kallis opens the face and edges away to the non-existent third man for four. He tries it again, but the shot isn't quick enough and he has to settle for two.
125th over: South Africa 371-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 175, Kallis 58) An appeal for lbw against Kallis, but he was outside the line. Nothing doing. "Terribly sorry, Jacob, but I have to tell you that Steinberg actually means stone mountain," says Raymond, the Geordie in Germany. "Steinhügel would be stone hill. Then again if size does matter..." My... my parents lied to me?
124th over: South Africa 366-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 174, Kallis 54) Anderson stares at Bresnan with a look of fury on his face after Bresnan had allowed an Amla shot past him. He uses language of the industrial nature to get his point across. "A duck, dropping Amla when he was on 40 yesterday evening, and unimaginative field placings," says SB Tang. "Not Andrew Strauss's finest hour as England captain. And now he's gone and smashed his sunnies. The poor man. At least it looks like his sense of humour's intact."
123rd over: South Africa 362-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 170, Kallis 54) A maiden over. South Africa, surprisingly, have taken their foot off the gas a bit. "As with most Larry David episodes I just can't make it past the moment of embarrassment," says Ian Copestake. "The prospect of the denouement is just too painful. Not unlike following this innings."
123rd over: South Africa 362-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 170, Kallis 54) Something like this would never happen in an OBO...
122nd over: South Africa 361-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 169, Kallis 54) There's still no sign of a breakthrough. Kallis nearly takes out a pigeon in Dick Dastardly style. "We're trying all we can to rally the troops at the game here but drunkenly shouting "come on ing-er-land" is not helping," says Steve Harris. "Some better chants are required." Or a man with a drum. They're always fun.
121st over: South Africa 359-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 168, Kallis 53) Hilarity alert! With Kallis and Amla running up and down the crease, Strauss goes for the bails, but as he does so, his sunglasses go flying up into the air and are taken out by his throw. They're completely banjanxed! Demolished. Blasted to smithereens. What are the odds? The England team collapse in a fit of giggles. Good to see they haven't lost their sense of humour despite today's travails. Speaking of broken glasses... "Sadly GS4's goon intake was severely detailed by technical reasons (incompetence)," says David Ward. "Crossing guard goons have been despatched to the ground but are stuck behind Boris Johnsons bicycle in the VIP lane..."
120th over: South Africa 355-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 166, Kallis 51) Here's Jimmy. Can he introduce any pep into this attack? No, although the runs have dried up a tad now. "Good to hear Beefy proudly recalling going for 200+ her in 1987 and Athers light-heartedly recounting conceding 700 as skipper against the Windies in the 90s," says Mark Steward. "There was us as young(ish)sters thinking it mattered. Sorry, not used to losing anymore, this might be a well-deserved refresher."
119th over: South Africa 355-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 166, Kallis 51) Do G4S have any hired goons going spare?
118th over: South Africa 353-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 165, Kallis 50) I really needed a maiden over there, seeing as I was having technical problems. And a maiden over is precisely what I got. This is increasingly grim.
117th over: South Africa 353-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 165, Kallis 50) Kallis drives through mid-on and there's his half-century. It's hard to see what England can do about this, beyond hiring some goons to forcibly remove these two from the crease.
116th over: South Africa 352-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 165, Kallis 49) Are nuts sweet? I never understand that phrase. Unless they are sweet. I don't know. I don't eat them, because you are what you eat #lol #banter.
115th over: South Africa 351-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 165, Kallis 48) Amla batters away a full toss from Swann away for four more. Swann is livid with himself, but nearly makes up for that with a devilish delivery that spins and catches out Amla. But misses the stumps by this much.
114th over: South Africa 347-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 161, Kallis 48) Bopara bowls a tad wide and Kallis gleefully snaffles four more. South Africa look like they could bat all year, let alone all day. "Je suis desole," says Simon McMahon. "I thought the OBO was a given, it's just that I'm missing the likes of Atherton, Botham, Mikey and Bumble. Do you think they'd understand if I asked politely to switch to the cricket tomorrow? Or would it be a case of 'start the car'?" It's a diddly of a pickle is what it is.
113th over: South Africa 341-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 160, Kallis 43) Swann is bowling well. Just a single from the over. "Much as I am enjoying seeing SA put England to the sword, given the pitch and England's batting depth, I think a draw is probably the most likely result," says Richard Mansell, and who am I to disagree?
112th over: South Africa 340-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 160, Kallis 42) Amla scatters the pigeons with a beautiful drive off Bopara, even Bresnan's slide by the boundary not enough to prevent another four. There's a huge appeal with the last ball of the over, England claiming Amla edged into Prior's gloves. It's hard to hear anything. England don't review it and HotSpot didn't seem to show anything. "Do you think Shane Warne may at this stage be revising his prediction of a series victory for England?" says Mare Mouton. Not necessarily. There's a helluva lot of cricket still to be played.
111th over: South Africa 336-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 156, Kallis 42) A maiden over from Swann. "Evening Jacob, or should I say Bonsoir," says Simon McMahon. "They're not much interested in cricket here in Antibes in the south of France. Could you or your reader please advise how I can see Englands fightback tomorrow when everyone seems determined to watch cyclists parading around Paris? Merci." You mean following it on the OBO isn't enough for you? Ingrate.
110th over: South Africa 336-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 156, Kallis 42) Ravi Bopara gets a bowl. You've got to hand it to England, they're trying everything, but Amla is unflappable. He cannot be flapped. He is totally flap-resistant.
109th over: South Africa 332-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 153, Kallis 41) That was drinks. Stuart Broad necked a gin and tonic.
"Seeing the ominous form Kallis is in, one wonders what the highest numbers of centuries for a team in a single innings is?" says Pat vander Reest. "I don't see them score more than 4 (they don't bat that deep), but that should surely be enough. Especially since de Villiers has been known to put in a decent shift once in a while." England could very easily draw this match though.
108th over: South Africa 329-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 152, Kallis 40) Bresnan tries to catch Kallis out with a high bouncer, but can't get enough pace on his delivery and Kallis pulls away for a single to finish off the over. Time for drinks. England could do with a stiff one.
107th over: South Africa 328-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 151, Kallis 39) To my left, Rob Smyth offers one of his famous statgasms: Graeme Smith has made 25 Test centuries and they've never lost a match or a series when he's done so. Astonishing, and it doesn't bode well for England.
106th over: South Africa 325-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 150, Kallis 37) Kallis dabs away to third man to pick up a pair, before pulling a lengthy delivery from Bresnan away for four. One elegant shot follows another as he coaxes one excellently through cover for four more. They're making it look easy. Against the best side in the world, lest we forget.
105th over: South Africa 315-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 150, Kallis 27) Oh, that's lovely. Amla almost lazily drives a full delivery from Swann through cover for four, bringing him up to 150. He's had a glorious innings and shows few signs that his work for the afternoon is done. "Glad to see you on the cricket, you could really do with being the charm that Bull used to be for England wickets-get dancing," says Michael Jelley. "I'm sitting in a pub garden for a mini festival and we've just had a ska version of Merry Xmas Everybody. Odder than watching England struggle to threaten in England.
Anyway, a fortnight ago, when you were doing Federer Djokovic, you kindly promoted a bike ride a mate of mine and me did to Paris. Heinous warnings were left on our Justgiving page (accurate ones, in their defence) but also money, and between your readership and Rob's we made over £80, so thanks very much for promoting it. Your instruction to donate made a big difference." Ssshhh, I don't like to talk about my charity work.
104th over: South Africa 311-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 146, Kallis 27) Bresnan gives Kallis very little to work with, but doesn't threaten a wicket. Just three from the over, but South Africa are happy enough with that. "According to the song, Hitler only had one ball," says Sean Kilgannon. "Was it a googly?"
103rd over: South Africa 308-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 144, Kallis 26) Swann's removed his glasses. He means business. But not much is happening now, the pace of the match slowing down. South Africa seem content to chip away at the target and keep England at arm's length.
102nd over: South Africa 306-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 143, Kallis 25) Look at this atrocity. It's basically The Karate Kid. But with skateboards.
101st over: South Africa 305-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 143, Kallis 24) Amla finds a gap at cover to pick up two more. We await the volcanic eruption from Broad. There are now pigeons on the pitch. Maybe they could have a bowl. "Like (one imagines) many a stereotypical MBMer, I'm combining following the action with arguing about the new Batman film elsewhere," says Ryan Dunne. "Any chance you could start a Batman riff here to save me having to flick between browser windows? Discussing Batman might help with the whole impressing women thing too." Sure. Which film was better: 1995's Batman Forever or 1997's Batman and Robin?
100th over: South Africa 303-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 141, Kallis 24) A huge cry for lbw goes up from England as Swann hits Kallis's pads. But Swann stayed quiet, which suggests this isn't too convincing an appeal. The umpire remains unmoved. England discuss it and decide not to review and rightly so, because it was pitched outside the stumps. South Africa continue to grind on. Has anyone watched The Newsroom? Is it just me, or is Emily Mortimer excessively annoying?
99th over: South Africa 301-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 140, Kallis 23) Broad is shaking his head furiously. He's in a rare old funk, a ticking timebomb. Don't be surprised if you spot a mushroom cloud in The Oval area soon. This was a good over for England though, just one from it for South Africa. "F5," says Sarah Barclay. I get that a lot from women.
98th over: South Africa 300-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 140, Kallis 22) England are getting nowhere here and Kallis makes mincemeat of Swann, swatting away to square leg for four. This isn't going to plan at all. A single from Kallis brings South Africa up to 300. England desperately need a wicket and it's hard to see one coming at the moment, Kallis and Amla pipe-and-slippers comfortable.
97th over: South Africa 295-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 140, Kallis 17) Broad is bouncing them down the crease in wild fashion; eventually one is given as a wide. "Welcome Mr Steinberg – you'll find it all very easy," lies Ian Middleton. "All you need to do is to vaguely comment on what the chaps on Sky TV are saying, paste in a few links from Cricinfo and voila! its done. Do you have children? From your photo you're a young fellow, and if you do have any little mites, you'll find its a short hop from lego and fingerpainting to them coming home with their girlfriends and spending three days upstairs, only occasionally coming down for to bellow for food. I put it down to bad parenting." Is it possible to have children when your main line of conversation is discussing the implications of Gareth Southgate's departure from the FA?
96th over: South Africa 292-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 138, Kallis 17) Kallis kneels down and tries to sweep one away to square leg, but gets his calculations all wrong, swiping and missing the ball, which flies past the stumps... and ends up being gloved away by Prior, gifting South Africa a fortunate run. Two more follow. The camera pans off to an ice cream van, prompting David Lloyd to break into a rendition of "Just one cornetto..."
95th over: South Africa 289-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 136, Kallis 17) A stat pops up on the screen showing there are four South African batsmen in the top 10 of the ICC rankings, ominously indicating the size of the task facing England. Broad has the face on after a bobbler from Kallis beats the outstretched arm of the plunging Anderson, running away for four. If looks could kill. "Since we're going down this road, according to this article in the Daily Mail, Hitler's less than positive encounter with some cricket-playing English POWs during WWI is to blame for World War II," says Edmund King. Yes yes, but what was his batting average?
94th over: South Africa 284-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 135, Kallis 13) Oiiiiiiiiiiiii, shouts someone as Swann steps in to try to crack the South African resistance. Kallis has a big zesty swipe at his second delivery, picking up two runs to add to the total. And that's it for the over, the match taking on a rather sedate feel after tea. "Were you never tempted to become a professional referee so that, when you blew the whistle and pointed to the spot, you could shout 'That's a Stone Hill penalty!'?" asks Ryan Dunne.
93rd over: South Africa 282-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 135, Kallis 11) It will be Stuart Broad to resume proceedings. A steely look in his eye, but Kallis doesn't look like he's about to budge any time soon. It's not long before Broad has his head in his hands as Kallis shuffles one away, before the redoubtable Amla edges behind for four. The pitch is so slow. "In a reversal of Godwin's law, let's start a discussion about Hitler, by noting that Sam Leith's 'You talking' to me?' book about rhetoric has a chapter on both Churchill and Hitler," says John Starbuck. "It seems that when he was starting out as a speechmaker, Hitler did so as a 'guest' of Clemens von Franckenstein in Munich. Maybe he really wasn't fully human after all. This has nothing to do with cricket; I'm still working my way through the book and there are no cricket references at all so far. Disgusting." It's a little-known fact that Hitler was an excellent spin bowler.
I see Smyth spent much of the day indulgently discussing his own name. To whit, Steinberg means 'Stone Hill' in German. People often call me Josh or Joseph, often a sign that they may have some sort of link to the Third Reich. Once I had a meeting with my headmaster who proceeded to call me Ben for half an hour. Despite my name being on the form he was looking at. I was too amused to correct him. He also once told my parents that one of my exam results was in the top three in the entire country. Turned out he was talking about a boy called Josh.
Afternoon. A dark day in the history of the Guardian here: they've let me on to the cricket! And about time too. Expert analysis suggests that England's bowling men will need to chuck the cricketball ball past the South Africa batters and soon if this match isn't going to get away from them. Wickets. Go for the wickets.
TEA
92nd over: South Africa 277-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 131, Kallis 10) Bresnan strays onto the pads of Amla, who does the necessary to the fine-leg boundary. That's his 17th boundary. He is playing indecently well, and looks as fresh as he did when he started his innings 24 hours ago. What a player! He will be back after tea, because that's the end of the session, the fifth in a row that South Africa have dominated. England have plenty of work to do if they are to save this match. Jacob Steinberg will be with you for the extended evening session. Night.
91st over: South Africa 273-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 127, Kallis 10) It will be Swann to Kallis, with a short leg and slip. Kallis whips around his first delivery, which hits him on the pad outside the line of off stump, and gets off strike second ball. Bah.
90th over: South Africa 271-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 126, Kallis 9) A maiden from Bresnan to the unflappable Amla takes us closer to tea. Eight minutes to go. Will they give Swann an over at Kallis? "Chris Woakes," says Tom Jenkins. "2000 First Class runs at 34. Well over 200 wickets at 24. Why is Chris Woakes seemingly nowhere near Test consideration? That is not a rhetorical question – I'd genuinely be interested to hear reasons for why." He's not as good as Anderson, Broad, Bresnan, Finn or Tremlett. I suppose it's that simple. In a different era he'd probably have played by now.
89th over: South Africa 271-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 126, Kallis 9) Kallis, forcing off the back foot, snicks Anderson short and just wide of second slip for four. "I think DRS is fine how it is," writes Al Halton. "That review only played into South Africa's hands – it revealed England's desperation and reduced them to one review. I think two reviews is the right number - the second one is insurance against something bizarre happening, and if you use it speculatively you forfeit that insurance." I agree about the number of reviews. It still feels like something needs to change with DRS, maybe how much of the ball needs to be hitting the stumps for it to be out.
88th over: South Africa 264-2 (in reply to England's 385; Amla 124, Kallis 4) The new batsman is Jacques Kallis, who has a surprisingly poor record in England. He gets off the mark with a flick to fine leg for four. This isn't exactly a bang-bang pitch. England might be tempted to get Graeme Swann on here. "We're into the all-rounders..." says Simon Dean.
WICKET! South Africa 260-2 (Smith b Bresnan 131) Tim Bresnan strikes with the first ball of a new spell! It was a fortunate dismissal but England will not give a solitary one about that. Smith, not fully forward, inside edged a defensive push onto his leg and back onto the stumps. He gets a deserved standing ovation for a mighty, tone-setting performance: 131 from 273 balls and a partnership of 259 with Hashim Amla.
87th over: South Africa 260-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 131, Amla 124) This is now South Africa's highest second wicket partnership against England ever, ever.
86th over: South Africa 256-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 129, Amla 122) If England don't break through in the half hour before tea, they will only have a draw left to play for. As well as South Africa have batted, at some stage they need to slip a gear to give their bowlers enough time to win the match. They have batted too slowly when on top a few times against England, most notably the second Test of 1995-96, the third Test of 1998, the second Test of 1999-2000 and the fifth Test of 2004-05. I wouldn't criticise Smith and Amla for that at this stage – they have been magnificent – and I'm sure they will try to up the rate if they are still there after tea.
"How about if there is only one review allowed per team," says Vinod Raghavan, "but you do not lose it if it turns out to be an 'umpires call's decision?" That would not resolve the problem of caught behinds that don't show on Hotspot, though. Also, I'm not sure about this idea that you shouldn't lose a review if it's 'umpire's call', because captains will feel a lot more comfortable with speculative reviews and that would mean umpteen delays. It would also take us further away from the original DRS brief, which was to eradicate howlers.
85th over: South Africa 252-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 127, Amla 120) Amla spoons an airy drivejust wide of Anderson, stretching to his right in his follow through. The ball races away for four to bring up a magnificent 250 partnership. That new-ball optimism lasted a long time. Smith's average score when he has made a Test century in England is now 307. He's not quite top of the list. Allan Border's average was 771.
84th over: South Africa 247-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 126, Amla 116) Smith steers consecutive deliveries from Broad to the third-man boundary, and he makes it three fours on a row with a flick off the pads. Broad has got the face on now. Look at his coupon! Alright, you can't, you're reading a text-based commentary, but just look at his coupon!
"England could really do with a 90mph bowler to throw down a few bouncers and yorkers as fast as possible to unsettle those two out there," says Alex Bishop. "When its not swinging Broad & Anderson's 80mph bowling is no threat." They are high 80s aren't they? I still don't think England have done that much wrong today. (NB: OBO reporter reserves the right to demand they all be sacked, ostracised and cattle-prodded should South Africa reach 700 for one.)
83rd over: South Africa 234-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 113, Amla 116) Anderson is pitching the ball up, trying to get some swing, and that allows Amla to play another imperious cover-drive for four.
82nd over: South Africa 229-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 112, Amla 112) Stuart Broad strays onto the pads of Hashim Amla. This means only one thing: four runs. It's been a while, but this situation demands only one hyperlink.
81st over: South Africa 225-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 112, Amla 108) Right. It's time for business. Jimmy Anderson has a bright, shiny new ball in his hand. That's the good news. The bad news is that Graeme Smith's average score in England when he reaches a century is 303. Not much happens in Anderson's opening over; a hint of swing maybe, but that's all.
"Weren't we reintroduced to this feeling of inadequacy in one of the Tests against the Aussies recently?" says Ian Copestake. "Only for it all to turn out very right in the end. Consider that to be my pep talk for struggling OBO followers." Yes, Haddin and Hussey added 300+ at Brisbane, although England did go past the edge about 70 times in that partnership, as compared to about two in this one. South Africa should get at least 500 here, although there's no reason why England can't save the match. A lot will depend on how Imran Tahir copes with the pressure of being the designated matchwinner on a turning pitch. Some spinners thrive on it; others can't handle it.
80th over: South Africa 223-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 111, Amla 107) Time for drinks, and the second new ball.
79th over: South Africa 222-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 110, Amla 107) Kevin Pietersen is going to bowl just a single over with the old ball. He's a touch too short and milked for four singles. "222 for one," says Gary Naylor, "and two words swim up in my mind's eye – Jacques Kallis." Two slightly shorter words are coming to my mind as well.
78th over: South Africa 218-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 108, Amla 105) South Africa picked up Kevin Pietersen during the last over with the old ball, and England would sacrifice at least four toenails for a similar breakthrough to expose Kallis to the new ball. Nothing doing in that Bresnan over, although it was a good one. "What's harder than hard yakka?" says Niall Mullen. "Because it's pretty hard yakka just reading the OBO. Wicket please!"
77th over: South Africa 217-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 108, Amla 104) Smith survives a big LBW shout from Swann. I think he was outside the line and Alastair Cook (Strauss is off the field) does not play fast and loose with England's final review. Hawkeye shows he was miles outside the line.
"That review against Smith shows what's wrong with the current DRS set-up," says Robert Speed. "England didn't really think they got him - they're just desperate for a wicket and willing to burn their first review in hope. There should only be one incorrect review allowed per team per innings. That way, teams (including batsmen) will know only to use it when they know the umpire has made a howler. That's what DRS was originally meant for. Not the marginal stuff." I agree that DRS has clearly moved away from its original purpose to eradicate howlers, and that is not a good thing, but having only one review is too big a risk I think. We've seen a few examples (Laxman last year was one, I think; Bell in Australia another) where a batsman survived a caught-behind review even though instinct said he was out. It would be pretty harsh if the bowling team were lose their only review for something that was actually out.
76th over: South Africa 217-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 108, Amla 104) Bresnan and Swann have managed to slow the scoring down a touch, with five runs from the last four overs. Four more until the second new ball is available. "This is fantastic stuff," says Guy Hornsby. "Finally, after all this No.1 lark had just about started to sink in, we're being given a proper lesson. That warm cloak of grinding inferiority is keeping me warm once again. Of course, there's little between the teams, but at the moment, that 'little' is Dale Steyn. And while we have artists, we don't have a destroyer. Long way to go though." Nothing to worry about. South Africa have played wonderfully but from this position you would expect England to save this Test more often than not.
75th over: South Africa 215-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 108, Amla 103) "Please help a message get on the OBO?" writes AB. "It's got to the point I wait for each over to see if my name's in lights and not the score update which means even the obdurate, enduring values of Test cricket couldn't stop my spiraling into the vortex of hope/rejection." God bless the internet.
74th over: South Africa 214-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 108, Amla 102) Tim Bresnan replaces Jimmy Anderson. As the chaps have just said on Sky, this doesn't happen often to this England attack. These are the highest partnerships against England since David Saker became bowling coach and took the attack to another level. Bresnan has a big shout for LBW against Smith turned down by Asad Rauf. There were two issues, height and where it pitched. I wouldn't review this – but England are desperate so Andrew Strauss does go for the review. In fact there was another consideration Hotspot shows a slight inside edge, so everything else is irrelevant. For the record, it did pitch well outside leg. That was a poor review, born of desperation.
73rd over: South Africa 213-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 108, Amla 101) Dear Jim, please could you fix it for England to take a wicket some time before the millennium. Thanks.
72nd over: South Africa 212-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 108, Amla 100) I'd give Pietersen a couple of overs here. It's turning, and you never know what impact the sight of KP might have on Smith's concentration. Probably none, but it's worth a try. Amla half steers, half edges Anderson wide of slip for four to move to 99, and a single to third man takes him to through a beautiful hundred from 199 balls, a serene and graceful innings. He's an awesome player. Smith isn't the worst either, and he flicks Anderson off the pads for four to complete an expensive over. England are starting to get a bit grumpy.
71st over: South Africa 203-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 104, Amla 95) "Headingley 1981," says Richard O'Hagan. "I didn't see the end of the game, because I was at school. However, I do remember our deputy headmaster, the wonderfully named Mr Mann, calling the school into a special assembly to tell us the result. Incidentally, I grew up in Warwickshire so Geoff Humpage was a favourite player– but not as much as his understudy, Geoff Tedstone, was was the son of the cricket master at my primary school." Warwickshire. Effing goddamn motherfracking Warwickshire.
70th over: South Africa 202-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 104, Amla 94) Two from Anderson's over. "Dubai and Bangkok – meh," writes Tom Carver. "Try getting a decent live stream-Internet-thing in Guangzhou. Trying to watch cricket here is possibly the most frustrating way to pass an evening."
69th over: South Africa 200-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 103, Amla 93) "Wow what a shot!" says Shane Warne as Amla flicks Swann wristily through midwicket for four. A fine sweep for four two balls later takes him into the nineties and South Africa to 200. Someone is in trouble, something bad is happening.
"Konichiwa Rob," says Phil Podolsky. "Japanese a 'low-status language'? In what alternative universe? It's like the ultimate in kewlness, always been. I was derided as being a lamestreamer for sticking to the Indo-European languages in my BA. Try telling a bunch of snooty Egyptologists you're into Old English."
68th over: South Africa 192-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 103, Amla 85) "Ed Milliband has just been on TMS and said that Geoff was his childhood hero," says John Leavey. Geoff Humpage? "But that's not my beef. He claimed to have watched Headingley 1981 while bunking off from a family event. Shouldn't he have been bunking off from school? Pretty sure I watched the end at school. To wimpy to bunk off, obviously. Or is my memory effed?" Well I was only a bairn so I'm not sure, but the last day was Tuesday July 21 so it could have been either. It may not necessarily be a Jackie Milburn moment.
67th over: South Africa 191-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 103, Amla 84) It's Swann to Smith, a compelling battle of skill and will, craft and graft, and two almighty jaws. A nice flighted delivery turns past the edge and all the way into the hands of Anderson at slip, reinforcing Shane Warne's point that maybe Swann should bowl a touch slower.
"I got one of those hop-on, hop-off bus tickets when I was travelling in Australia many years ago, booked by phone," says Mark Jelbert. "For 3 months when getting on each bus I had to show a ticket proclaiming me Mark Jailbait. I have a feeling they did it on purpose."
66th over: South Africa 191-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 103, Amla 84) Here come Smith and Amla again. They have been together for 64 overs yet there will be no sense that their work is done. Theirs is to win, if it kills them. Jimmy Anderson will start the session, a shortish spell before he gets ready for the second new ball. He starts well wide of off stump to Amla with a 7/2 field, so clearly the plan is for them to be boring dry until the new ball is available. That's the plan, anyway, but the latest reverse swings onto the pads and is clipped easily for four by Amla.
"My name is Tom Bowtell," writes Tom Bowtell. "Fairly straightforward one might think. Yet when I got a school cricket certificate from former Hampshire batsman Rupert Cox it was made out to Toni Bowel."
LUNCH
65th over: South Africa 187-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 103, Amla 80) Smith fiddles Bresnan to third-man boundary for four to move to 99 with two balls of the session remaining. And there it is! He back cuts the next ball for four to reach an outstanding century in his 100th Test. It's been yet another wonderful triumph of his granite will, particularly earlier in the session when he was really struggling against Swann. He took 160 balls to get his first 50 and just 41 to get the second. Smith walks off at lunch with his arm round Amla's shoulder and a proud grin on his face. Quite right too. South Africa have had an unbelievable morning – not just the fact they scored 101 without losing a wicket but the soul-crushing certainty with which they scored them. They look well set for a huge total. See you in half an hour for the afternoon session.
64th over: South Africa 178-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 95, Amla 79) Swann moves across the stumps to muscle Swann through midwicket for four more, another superb stroke. Only one of his 35 runs off Swann have come on the off side.
"I don't know why they're complaining," says Chloe Lin. "No-one can get Chinese names right – there are six tones in Cantonese, which you have to sing rather than speak. Irish is perceived as a low-status language–- like Dutch and Japanese. That is, few people think it matters how you pronounce it. Imagine talking about paintings by Monnit and Mannit – you'd get a superior smile, because French is a high-status language. Yet we hear Van Goff all the time. I once heard an Englishman on TV pronounce Kaori – she was in the studio with him – as 'Kay-ore-rye'. That's bizarre. As for poor Martin Skirtle – no doubt he's got used to it."
63rd over: South Africa 172-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 90, Amla 78) Amla back cuts a poor delivery from Bresnan for four. South Africa have paced this session brilliantly, taking 29 from the first 15 overs and 57 from 11 since then.
"Jimmy Tyldesley (46th over) may beat me on the location, but didn't he get the memo from John Starbuck?" says Jennifer Hegarty. "He could at least have expressed gratitude to you, Snuth darling. And using the Irish excuse for your y is weak – Irish names are much harder to spell than that. I've given up trying to get ní hÉigeartaigh into usage and reluctantly anglicised myself."
62nd over: South Africa 166-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 89, Amla 73) Swann beats Smith with an unbelievable delivery: full, curving in and then turning viciously past the edge.
"You are boring," writes Andries van der Walt. "Why don't you commentate on the cricket rather than waste time and space on how names are spelt?" Congratulations on your appointment as Guardian Sports Editor, Andries.
61st over: South Africa 164-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 87, Amla 73) Tim Bresnan finally comes into the attack with 18 minutes to go to lunch. The possible logic, suggested by Nasser Hussain, is that England wanted to wait just a bit longer to give the ball more chance to reverse. Smith tucks another single off the hip. He is 13 away from scoring a hundred in his 100th Test. A few others have done it – Ricky Ponting scored two, against Smith's South Africa – but it would still be a stunning achievement.
"Saturday Story turns today," writes Paul King, the executive producer of Sky's brilliant cricket coverage. "Look at the history of 'overseas' players to play for England from Ranji to Trott – worth a watch if you're not out 'refueling' at lunch." It is indeed; the trailer this morning looked excellent. I might send a flunky to Pret so I can watch it.
60th over: South Africa 162-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 86, Amla 72) Swann is back on, having changed ends. A quiet over brings a couple of singles. England haven't done too much wrong this morning, in truth. They are just bowling to two very good batsmen on a flat deck.
"Interesting Sean Clayton's issue with not enough people having seen James Bond by Sean Connery," says Storm Ferguson. "Living in South Africa I've long accepted being called Stum, but the best ever was being addressed as Dawn. A trifle off-putting to a bass voiced male but hysterically funny to my daughter, so Sean should easily be able to live with Seen. Oh, and its great seeing your vaunted attack suffering a tad."
59th over: South Africa 160-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 85, Amla 71) These are Graeme Smith's Test scores in England. Once he gets in ...
"Afternoon, handsome," writes Miss Maway Simon Richard O'Hagan. "You can imagine the number of times I have my surname mispronounced, let alone incorrectly spelled. Which is understandable, given that even I think it is a bit odd. But my wife used to suffer all sorts of mis-spellings of her maiden name which, given that it was Garden, gives me little hope for humanity."
58th over: South Africa 158-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 84, Amla 70) "Afternoon Rob, another couple of people relying on your OBO here in Dubrovnik," says Ralph Waumsley. "Waiting in an Irish pub for some Aussies to finish watching some domestic rugby union before we overpower everyone and put the cricket on. Highlight of the day so far: Middle aged lady in a head scarf walks in with companion who looks like a fat version of The Dude from The Big Lebowski. She takes three steps in, takes a look around and then emits a disdainful 'Doesn't look very Irish to me' in a thick Lancastrian accent. The Dude grunts and they make a swift exit."
So just to clarify: you're waiting to watch cricket in an Irish pub in Dubrovnik and The Dude is courting Daphne from Frasier's Mum? God bless the internet.
57th over: South Africa 155-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 83, Amla 68) Bopara comes on for Swann, ahead of Tim Bresnan, who has only bowled six of the 57 overs in this innings. Smith throws the bat at a very wide delivery, edging it in the air but wide of backward point for another boundary. Nowt dry about this min-session. England are hemorrhaging runs just now; 40 in the last five overs.
"Discussing the pronunciation of Sean as 'seen'," says Kieran Walsh. "I think it is fine for the poster to have pronounced as 'shawn' but the eponymous hero from the South Yorkshire rifles really should decide whether it is Seen
Bean or Shawn Bourne. He can't have both it both ways."
56th over: South Africa 150-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 79, Amla 67) Four more to Smith, flipped through square leg off Broad. He is motoring, although he is fortunate when another whip flies in the air between the two men at short forward square leg and short midwicket. It scoots away for four more. Smith reached his fifty from 160 deliveries; since then he has scored 28 from 16. "Am I the only person sanding a floor whilst following OBO today?" asks Matt Delargy. I suspect you're the only one following the OBO while doing so, although coincidentally I'm sanding the Guardian floor while writing it. We're encouraged to multitask these days.
55th over: South Africa 141-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 71, Amla 66) Ten from Swann's over. That means he has conceded 21 from his last two overs, having conceded 21 from 16 before that. Smith is playing him with much more confidence now. He walks down the track to work the second ball wide of midwicket for four, a very good stroke, and a similar stroke brings two more later in the over. The next ball is tickled fine for another boundary and suddenly Smith, who was stuck in the forties for ages this morning, has zoomed into the seventies. On Sky, Shane Warne says he would like Swann to bowl slightly slower and slightly wider to Smith.
"My parents (obviously) thought it would be hilarious to spell my name with two S's, ensuring that my name would be hissed rather than spoken for the rest of my life," says Ssagala. "My precious 5-year old niece once asked me if the extra S stood for "Superman". My ego wouldn't let me deny it."
54th over: South Africa 131-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 61, Amla 66) Broad goes around the wicket to Smith, who drives his first ball emphatically through extra cover for four. England's yakka is getting harder by the over.
"Almost everyone back home in Oz finds my name impossible to pronounce from its written form – the worst teacher effort was 'Ermanon'," says Eamonn Maloney. "Predictive text's guess is Ergonom, but that at least has the excuse of not being human.
53rd over: South Africa 126-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 56, Amla 66) Smith works Swann through square leg for three to reach a defiant, tone-setting fifty from 160 balls. It's the slowest of his Test career, and one of the more important. He will want plenty more than fifty, and he knows how to get them in this country. Only Don Bradman averages more in Tests in England. He hammers a sweep behind square for four two balls later. Eleven from the over.
"When people say to me, 'Are you sure?' I like to reply, 'Yes, I am: Kieron Shaw'," says Kieron Shaw. "It was hilarious when I was 9 years old. I assumed I would eventually grow out of it. I still haven't grown out of it. I don't think I will ever grow out of it. It's just too irresistible when somebody tosses up the opportunity... It tends to go down badly on dates, though, I've noticed. It's not just that it suggests to husband-and-father-material hunters a manifest lack of the required gravitas. It doesn't even get the more liberated types into bed for a quick session of the old whistle-and-pop. So nobody wins. Not me; not women; certainly not comedy. In retrospect, actually, maybe the women are winning in this situation."
52nd over: South Africa 115-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 48, Amla 63) Amla eases another gorgeous drive to the extra-cover boundary, this time off the front foot. It's not banterlicious fate-tempting to say he looks nailed on for a century. He is playing with formidable class and certainty.
"I'm still amazed at my advanced age at the number of people who think that 'Sean' is pronounced 'seen'," says Sean Kilgannon. "Have they never heard of James Bond?"
51st over: South Africa 111-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 48, Amla 59) Swann beats Smith with a wonderful delivery that dips onto off stump and then turns sharply. The next ball, fairly short, prompts an ugly, panicky sweep at fresh air from Smith. This is a brilliant contest. Smith is surviving on sheer will. He has 48 from 159 balls now.
"No one ever mispronounces 'Tony' or 'pony' or 'sony', but my name is constantly pronounced Donnay, Downey, Dooney and (once) Dong," says Matt Dony. "When I explained to someone on the phone 'Like pony, but with a D', I got a letter to Mr Ponyd."
50th over: South Africa 110-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 48, Amla 58) Stuart Broad replaces Jimmy Anderson, who bowled an excellent spell of 6-2-11-0. Amla drives pleasantly through the covers for a couple. He is, in his own quiet way, playing an outstanding innings. He gets a single off the penultimate ball, a rotation of the strike that will irk Swann at the other end.
"Morning, Snuth," says Sean Clayton. "If it's on Wikipedia, it must be true. "Likewise, the replacement of the "i" with a "y" in "Smyth" or "Smythe" is also often considered an affectation but may have originally occurred because of the difficulty of reading blackletter text, where "Smith" might look like "Snuth" or "Simth" ".
49th over: South Africa 107-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 48, Amla 55) Did anyone see Bumble and the Inspiral Carpets on Cricket AM this morning? How was it? Smith crunches Swann towards midwicket, where Trott does really well to stop the ball and keep Smith on strike. Smith gets in a bit of a mess with the last delivery and survives a biggish LBW shout. It was too high. That's an excellent maiden over. "This is top-class Test cricket," says Mike Atherton on Sky. Damn straight.
48th over: South Africa 107-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 48, Amla 55) A maiden from the accurate Anderson to Amla. We've had 21 runs from 11 overs this morning; England will be pleased with their control of the run-rate, if not the apparent immovability of Smith and particularly Amla. "My sympathies Rob," says Jan Wessels. "I was Djan Weasels to the never-heard-of-Keplers during my stay in the UK."
47th over: South Africa 107-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 48, Amla 55) Smith survives a huge shout for LBW from a Swann slider. It was close but it was only just kissing the leg stump so England were right not to review. England need to give Swann a few others at Smith, who is playing him nowhere near as comfortably as Amla.
"I can't see how Smyth can be Irish since there's no y in their alphabet," says John Orford. "Your name would be Mac a'Ghobhainn, son of a smith, and probably rendered as McGowan or McGovern. There's no hope Rob, you're a crusty Tory, unfit for such as read the Guadrian." Outed before midday. Dumb luck.
46th over: South Africa 106-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 48, Amla 54) "I see your Abu Dhabi and raise you Bangkok train station sat with upwards of 10 Buddhist monks in a coffee shop," says Jimmy Tyldesley. "Hoping for a wicket and a reliable sleeper train down to Phuket. Either, or."
45th over: South Africa 104-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 46, Amla 54) Amla misses a couple of sweeps at Swann, the second of which deflects away for two leg byes. He is getting a long way across to Swann so is invariably outside off stump at the point of contact if the ball does hit the pad. Another delivery keeps low towards the end of the over; that's becoming a recurring theme. This is excellent stuff, an unyielding arm-wrestle of a session.
"Come now Rob, surely your surname isn't all bad?" says Ryan Dunne, whose surname is hopefully never mispronounced. "If it was me, I'd have been tempted to be very selfish at team sports, so, when the scary PE teacher said 'there's no my in Smyth!!' one could respond 'Er, actually sir, I'll think you'll find there is'."
44th over: South Africa 102-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 46, Amla 54) A couple of people below the line on Mike Selvey's match report are disputing that Anderson is the best swing bowler in the world. Is there really any dispute? Steyn is the best fast bowler in the world, and the best bowler in the world. He has a superb outswinger, but Anderson's control of swing is peerless. Isn't it? Anyway, Smith back cuts Anderson for four to bring up the hundred partnership, the ninth between this pair in Tests. I suppose for South Africa the plan is to reach 550 or so around lunchtime tomorrow, and then ask England to bat four and a bit sessions on a wearing pitch.
43rd over: South Africa 98-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 42, Amla 54) Smith muscles Swann through midwicket for four. England have started pretty well but they have very little to work with. "Might be a long day," says Gary Naylor.
42nd over: South Africa 93-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 54) Amla gets the first boundary of the day with a divine back-foot drive off Anderson. There will be few better shots all day. "I'm currently trying to find some way of watching it live from Abu Dhabi, but failing, so am relying on your relay of events – so don't worry, your existence is more than justified to me!" says Jennifer Hegarty. One down, the rest of humanity to go.
41st over: South Africa 89-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 50) There is plenty of turn for Swann. It's fairly slow but still more pronounced than you would expect in the seventh session of the match. Swann has started really well and is, deliberately or otherwise, varying the amount of turn from ball to ball. Amla pats a single to reach a serene, classy half-century from 110 balls. He really is a wonderful player. Smith, who is looking a little jittery, inside edges the last ball of the over not far wide of Cook at short leg.
"Hello Dear," says John Starbuck. "You can tell this is an OBO reader's message because it slavishly copies and builds on a previous one. We love nothing so much as a riff that everyone can join in with, so expect phishing emails of all type nice throughout the day."
40th over: South Africa 88-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 49) Amla works Anderson off his hip for a single. Anderson won't mind that, as it means he gets three balls at Graeme Smith. The first of those, again wide of off stump, beats a crooked defensive poke. England's seamers are going to bowl dry today. There's a bit of uneven bounce as well, which will become more pronounced as the game progresses and will interest Broad and Morkel in particular.
"Rob, why is your Smith spelt with a y?" says Jan Wessels. "Scared and confused from South Africa." I assume it's an Irish thing, although Barry Glendenning reckons it's a posh surname. Which is rich coming from Lord Glendenning. It's pronounced with a Y rather than Smith, although of course not everyone realises that, which led to much hilarity and self-loathing at school.
This is fun.
39th over: South Africa 87-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 48) As expected, Graeme Swann opens the bowling at the Dingy Boozer End. He has a slip and short leg for Amla, and the second ball brings an optimistic shout for LBW when Amla offers no stroke. The ball turned sharply but nowhere near enough to have hit the stumps. "The quality of Guardian Soulmates is slipping..." says Matt Dony. "Maybe Fiver readers have a chance, after all."
38th over: South Africa 86-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 47) It is a beautiful day at The Oval. Nasser Hussain and Sir Ian Botham concur that it feels like a batting day. There will be 98 overs today, to make up some time from yesterday. Jimmy Anderson, having demonstratively addressed the England huddle, will open the bowling. He starts by angling all six deliveries across Smith, one of which beats a nervous defensive push. It's a maiden. England bowled pretty straight to Smith yesterday, but now it seems they are, as Nasser puts it on Sky, keen to "take the leg side out of the game". Smith has scored only three of his 37 runs on the off side in this innings. That approach could make for a fascinating game of patience because Smith has the will and concentration to bat for long periods.
The first email of the day comes from Maway Simon. "Hello Dear. my name is miss maway simon, i saw your profile during my searching for soul mate i became interested to make friend with you.Some friends are remembered because of their smile.Some friends are remembered because of their style.But you are remembered because you are so nice to remember.please i will like to know more about you." Right, I'm off to live happily ever after. Bye!
Preamble "Someone is in trouble, something bad is happening." It may be a bit early to come over all Mulholland Drive about England's position in this Test, yet there is a burgeoning sense that a match which was theirs to mould 24 hours ago may now be morphing into something unexpected. South Africa will resume on 86 for one, a deficit of 299. If they bat as they did yesterday, when the defence of Graeme Smith and Hashim Amla made water seem loose by comparison, England will have a long, hard day in the field.
Much will depend on Graeme Swann, who has already got a couple of balls to rag, and of course whether the ball swings. (Possibly not; it's a lovely day in south London.) There is certainly no reason for England to panic. Today should be a compelling struggle for supremacy between the two best teams in the world. By 7pm tonight, there's every chance only one team will have realistic hopes of winning the match. This, you don't need me to tell you but I'm going to anyway because I'm trying to justify my goddamn existence here, is a huge day.